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Rest In Peace : The Age of Innocence


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Once upon a time, there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the Princess. There was a problem though – everything the princess touched would melt. It didn’t matter what it was made of: metal, wood, stone… anything she touched would melt.”

I grew up reading innumerable fairy-tales which would start with the very line “Once upon a time  …” and end with “And they lived happily ever after”. Like so many others of my generation, reading about Snow-White and her seven dwarves and Rapunzel’s long golden hair was a treat that would not equal any other delight in this world. I spent my days wondering if castles (like the one in Sleeping Beauty) really existed and wishing for a chocolate and candy house just like the one in Hansel and Gretel.

Those were the days!

Slowly, the fairy-tales gave way to Famous Fives and Secret Sevens and thus marked the entry of Enid Blyton into my life. Darrell Rivers from Malory Towers was my idol and I wished for a friend like Sally Hope . Reading about Peggy, Nora, Mike and Jack’s adventures in The Secret Island made me want to pack my bags and go in search of an island to spend my days on ! In school we had a huge library and all of us would have a grand time scrounging for Enid Blytons and Carolyn Keenes and Agatha Christies and Meg Cabots and Roald Dahls.

Those were the days when kids behaved exactly like what they actually were – kids !

Remember when we were kids playing outside the city walls ?
Remember when we were kids playing outside the city walls ?

A decade and four years later, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the children of today are not as naïve and innocent as we were, when we were of their age. A month ago, my school hosted its first reunion and I was lucky I got to attend it. A formal session had taken place and we got to meet and interact with a lot of young students. While being greeted by them and after talking to them for a few minutes, I suddenly realized how easy it was for them to talk to us. There were no traces of hesitation in their voices and they did not appear ill at ease or awkward when we were interacting with them, quite contrary to how we used to feel, at their age. Talking to them, I was feeling pretty warped out myself!

Talking about another instance, one day I was playing with a 12 year old cousin of mine and chatting with her mom at the same time. Her mom was in need of a good makeup artist and I happened to know one from my town. As soon as I mentioned his name, my 12 year old cousin cried out “ Oh, that Gay ?? “  That left me almost dumbstruck. When I got back to my senses, I asked her “how do you know he is gay?” and prompt came a reply “Well, all makeup artists are supposed to be gay, don’t you know that? “
Does she even know what is being gay supposed to mean? No, I couldn’t muster the courage to ask her any further.

Yes, it’s a good thing that the kids of today are well ahead of their age and time and they probably have to be, given how competitive today’s generation has turned out to be. But where did all the innocence go? Where did that naive assurance disappear to, which we were so apt with? What about that wild sense of freedom that had us blissfully unaware of the perils of adulthood? That child-like naughtiness that made us do some pretty crazy stuff, which we now look back at and laugh about !

Today’s kids think and act like adults. I sometimes find myself at a loss when talking to some of my cousins who are barely 12 or 13. I have no idea how to respond to some of the things they come up with. Should I be an adult about it and reprimand them for getting such ideas into their pretty li’l heads or should I just be a kid about it and laugh along with them. The latter is a pretty difficult task for me as my brain still tries to comprehend what just hit it!

A few days ago I came across an old photo album which belonged to my mother, when she was still in her high school. My mother grew up in Shillong, Meghalaya. Going through the pictures in the album; I could actually feel the simplicity of those times, when vacations meant picnics at picturesque sites with beautiful hills and winding streams, straight out of an Enid Blyton book or the occasional trip to nearby towns and cities with family. Looking at a picture of my mother, posing with her friends near a river with the hills in the background, smiling up at me, brought about a strong feeling of longingness that I found hard to ignore. I found myself yearning for those days – when happiness was a continuous state of mind rather than something that had to be sought after.

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When did it all become so complicated?

I remember – as kids, my cousins and I were crazy about Scrabble. During vacations when all of us got together, we used to wake up early in the morning and a Scrabble marathon would start for the day ( as  a matter of fact, it is still popular among us friends and we all get started on the game like kids when we catch up) . And when we got tired of Scrabble, we used to switch to either Monopoly or go outdoors to play a round of cricket or badminton. But you don’t get to see that culture anymore in today’s kids. Scrabble has been replaced by Farmville and so many other computer games (with the internet) that rule their lives.

And talking of the idiot box, it is really upsetting to see how kids of today take pleasure in vulgar, blasphemous and socially irreverent cartoon series like South Park and Family Guy that contribute just one thing to the society: kids now learn obscene words faster than the multiplication tables.
Even Cartoon Network is not the same as it used to be. Gone are the days when Tom and Jerry’s antics used to have us in splits, or Popeye, Olive Oyl and Bluto used to leave us wishing for more with their love triangle!

A few days ago, I was watching a TV show that focuses on teenagers gone wild, based on true life stories. The sheer intensity of the hatred shown in the part of the actor who was playing the character of a jilted lover, made me recoil in horror. Yes, being a teenager can be a challenge – you suddenly find yourself changing and there is a lot of pressure to be responsible and to “grow up”. But that does not interpret into “be an adult”.

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We all get to be a child only once in our lifetime. That is probably the only time during our entire life when we could get away with anything we did! I wouldn’t want to trade it with anything in the world – just keep it well stocked in some corner of my busy brain, so that sometimes in my mundane day-to-day life when everything else fails to cheer me up, I could just take out some part of it and enjoy it, just by myself.

After all, we get to be a child for just 12 or 15 years, from the day we are born. After that, life is all about achieving non-existent targets, responsibilities and chasing after illusions of happiness. So why not stop being so “adult “about everything and just enjoy childhood for what it is ?

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“It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.”
― Dylan ThomasA Child’s Christmas in Wales

 

 

 

Written by : Kasturi Saikia

– Picture Credits : Bidisha Chetia

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2

PUMPING IRON : Confessions of a Gymmer

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Having not much to do on a two month vacation post exams (I’m tired of hanging out and doing what I want), I planned to hit the gym. In a way, that was necessary as I happened to gain kilos and kilos while I was slogging away hours and hours for my exams. And  plus , fortunately, I found a nice posh reputed gym located just a few kilometers away from my place (Apparently , that’s the best gym we have in town)

So one fine day, when I finally decided to take the plunge , I walked in, took a month’s membership and got started on my work out. I gym 7 days a week,  3 days of weight lifting and 4 days of cardio. Now , if on one hand, gymming seems like a fun thing to do, it’s equally difficult on the other. You can  feel it once your personal trainer starts treating you like a stray dog. Initially, weight lifting was a complete disaster for me. I would cry my lungs out when I was asked to do a mere squat. And then the huge dumbbells, the chest flyweight lifting, those ginormous machines for abs, seated leg extension and then the pilates,  push ups , sit ups, planks (Damn, planks exhaust the shit out of me ! )  I wished I’d never eaten so much !!!
And now that I get the hang of it, I feel like Angelina Jolie . Fuck, yeah !
So , In case you reckon you’re jobless at home and you can’t seem to refrain yourself from grabbing that last cookie on the cookie shelf , then you’ve seriously got to change directions and head straight for the gym.

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And today , irrespective of how much I have benefited (if at all I’ve benefited), I proudly call myself a gymaholic (I don’t know if that’s the word for one who is addicted to the gym)
But Yeah , it’s true, I love going to the gym. I just love being there. Right from the main gym room to the locker room, I love everything about it. It makes you feel better, gives you positives vibes and finally turns you into your unique self. In fact, the gym is quite a happening place to be in. Let me tell you why.
Before that, you should know that there are two types of women you’ll find in a gym. The chatterers and the mutes (they are also the keen observers ) and I , belong to the second category (sadly, yeah) . I avoid eye contacts while I’m working out  and I’m always stuck with my water bottle.

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People that you come across in a gym are incredibly varied. Some are just big time health freaks, others have issues with their ever increasing and never decreasing body weight and the rest, just come for the personal touch.
And hence, in every gym, you’ll find a set of gym bunnies.Like there are lady gymmers who are perfectly sculpted and have great legs, so much so that it gets you thinking “what on earth is she doing here?? ”
For instance, in our gymnasium, there are ladies who dress like they are at a club and step into the gym as if they just stepped out of a limo and we , the low-life gymmers , standing in the crowd just to get a glimpse of them. Well, this is just my imagination and I have no idea if my fellow gymmers imagine things the same way but Yes, I have definitely noticed one thing. The male trainers seem really enthusiastic about training these ladies. You can see it in their eyes ( Well at least in some of them, if not all ). Their eyes and heart go popping when these chicks step into the gym ( oh, there are numberless stories about trainers and clients hooking up and I don’t want to stress upon them at the moment) while some of them would just follow these hotties around the gym. Trust me, the whole scene is really hilarious.
Why, the male clients are even worse. Y’know , like they say, picking a ‘pilate hottie’. True,you can see them literally drooling over these hotties , trying to approach them across the gym and waiting for the right time to strike a conversation. And then the next thing you know – they are gym buddies.

I wonder,  has there ever been smoke without fire ??!!!

Seriously, gym is fun. Everything happens right in front of you and you get to watch and enjoy every bit of it (and I , the observer , have all the fun watching a lot of things happening around the gym  while I walk from one machine to the other)

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But that’s just life on the outside. Whereas on the inside, life is much more different. And that you’d know once you enter the ladies locker room. The locker room is a place where everybody gets to befriend one another, share their stories and advice one another on what’s right and what’s not. I, on the other hand,at the initial period of my training days, hardly talked to anybody . I would just sit and listen to everyone. All the pretty ladies chit chat about their personal lives and their men.Some of them are divorcees, a few unmarried and some are just not happy with the way things have turned up for them.  And then again, some of them just can’t seem to find a way to resist junk food, some are diabetic, some hypertensive and a few even have to undergo home dialysis every week. The worst part , some of them have massive surgeries to be operated upon them in the near future. There’s one lady who was supposed to get her kidneys transplanted. It came as a surprise to me ‘cause she otherwise looked so fit and fine. Well that’s the spirit, babe !
Then slowly, I began sharing my meagre knowledge on health and medicine with these people. There was an old lady , about 65 or so, who is an ardent gymmer at our gymnasium.One day, while I was sitting next to her in the locker room, I noticed her right swollen foot. I called her and told her immediately what she’s supposed to do, what she needs to take and what she needs to avoid.In the end, she literally thanked me a thousand times ‘cause it seems she was looking for a solution for the past few months (And deep down in my heart , I felt really happy I was able to advice her on that issue ) And now, whenever we meet up at the gym ,she calls me a ‘doctor friend’ (friend of a 65 year old, cool eh? and anyway, you’re never too young for anything )

So you see, different people have different stories and the gym is one of the easier places where you get to relate to them. You socialize, converse, you learn a new thing every day and in turn , you get an opportunity to share your experiences and tell people your stuff which you’ve realized over the years.
And above all, you establish a friendly and a healthy relationship with your fellow gymmers and of course, your trainers which in turn, helps you draw positive energy into your life so you could give that extra push and the extra minute to your work out in order to live a healthy and a happy life.

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Bidisha Chetia

4

To Italy , Mio Amore !

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Generally, people who write about Italy either live there or have visited the place several times.
I, on the other hand , have never been to Italy. But I’d invariably longed to travel to Italy, ever since I was 9 or 10. And like all others ( who dream of being there at least once in their lifetime) , Italy lives inside of me.

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When you talk of a place like Italy,  you don’t have the slightest clue how to begin. There are so many things  about  this  place that need mentioning.  Yet, the sheer beauty of this country in Southern Europe inspires me to write  up a whole blog about it. However, I shall skimp and skip a few general things about Italy that you can always Google up and check out.

Why Italy, of all places ???

Well , to begin with, as a kid, I used to watch Football World Cup like crazy ! (Well , now I watch anything and everything that is concerned with F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L, but that’s another story ) I’d stay up all night waiting for the match to kick off even if I had to attend school the next day ( the IST timing for football matches is really sick , it screws up your biological clock sometimes )

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My family was and is still a stalwart supporter of Argentina, Holland and France. And I,  having  the least idea about football then, rooted for the same . But as I grew up , I realized I was falling for the Italian National Football Team and slowly , Italy became my personal favorite.  And there on, I loved everything about Italian football. From Maldini to Marchisio,  from Inter Milan to Juventus  , everything !

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And then I discovered my love for Italian food. As we all know, Cucina Italiana  is one of the most popular cuisines in the world with influences overseas. And like obvious, it seduced my taste buds as well.

Talk of Pizzas (Peperroni Pizza is my favorite, though I have tasted only the Indian version so far) , Pastas , Lasagnas, Cheesecakes and Wine. Talk of all the mouth watering Italian dishes you know of. Don’t you feel like digging in already ? BURP !!!

I always had this dream of visiting Naples so I could taste one of the best pizzas in the Universe in such a way that all the toppings and cheese slide off as I take my first bite . Oh, BUON APPETITO !

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When I was barely 21 , I began dating a guy , who, before we declared our love for each other, that is , while going through the initial flirt phase , popped a friendly question  “Which is the one place you’d go to if we got a chance to travel together ??” And before  I could think of anything, prompt came my reply :

“ITALY !”

It’s been two years since then and we both still dream of being there together, someday.

Hailing from a family where everyone is a movie freak in his/her own style ,  I , just like my brother,  followed the Mafia style .  When me and my brother get together at home, we sit down in front of the desktop and  watch all the Mafia inspired films ever made , totally glued to the screen . The funniest part is, when we love a particular scene , we would rewind the clip and play it over and over again like a bunch of OCD affected people or like the ones who’d lost their short term memory in a traumatic brain injury.
Quite recently, I watched the very famous “Gomorrah” a complete Italian movie based on a true mafia story. Boy, the movie was class apart! I did not care to get the subtitles downloaded . I just kept on watching till the last minute and believe me, I’m still starstruck.

a still from the movie "Gomorrah"

a still from the movie “Gomorrah”

Now I don’t know if this happens to you as well but when I talk of Mafia, I naturally and instinctively think of Sicily (As they say, Mafia originated in Sicily) and while my peers were fascinated and inspired by books like Princess Diaries and Twilight, I would sit and read Sicilian mafia stories and would dream about the rough and tough Mafiosos, the whole night. I even remember reading books and magazines about Italy as a kid  and I’d check out  the airline prices for flights from New Delhi to Rome.

Yes, I was truly , madly, deeply in love with Italia !

And once again, when I think of wild crazy love , marriage and a honeymoon destination, I just think of Rome, Venice, Italian Riviera and Tuscany . Oh  amore, amore, amore !!!

I even dream of making a visit to some of the famous Italian museums in Rome that are packed with treasures that include masterpieces of some of the best sculptures and paintings. I dream of visiting the Italian library, pick books on Italian literature, read about the lives of Italian writers like Umberto Eco, the very famous Dante and so many others. I dream of Italy , in every possible way.

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And last but in no way the least , the sexiest and the most attractive thing about Italy that drives me even crazier is the Italian Fashion !!! ( With Milan being regarded as the world’s fashion capital surpassing Paris, New York and so many other leading cities in fashion )          Image
So tell me about it. Well I believe, to be able to look beautiful is one thing and to be able to do Dolce and Gabbana , Versace, Gucci , Armani and Ferragamo Salvatore is another. Talk of shoes, designs, clothes, perfumes, jewellery or hair, the Italian fashion has had it all. It has indeed given a new meaning to Glamour !

And that, my friend, is exactly how Italy managed to endear itself to me , turned me into a hopeless dreamer , a restless spirit , a stupid romantic who dreams of making it to the country someday for the numberless reasons that connect me to this exceedingly beautiful place.

And I’ll make sure that when I reach there, I shall jot down all the beautiful stuff I’d come across so that when I return, I’d make a mention of them in my upcoming blogs for people and for all you young dreamers who secretly and passionately desire to be there someday.  So here’s to one of the sexiest places on earth :

                                        Amo l’Italia ! I love you, Italy !

 

Bidisha Chetia

6

The 20s and the Big M

 

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You are studying in a college, working hard for your undergraduate degree. Your days are full with assignments, tests, friends and more assignments. You have big plans for the future, and even bigger dreams – spending summer in pristine beaches with your friends, enjoying a cup of coffee sitting in a small cafe in busy Manhattan, shopping in the streets of Milan and Paris and the occasional trip to the Louvre or Madam Tussaud’s. The list is endless and so are your dreams.

And the day comes when you finally receive your degree and the world is just waiting for you to start exploring it. When an aunt pops the question “So, what now?? Further studies or wedding bells?” and Voila! There you are!! Rudely jolted back to reality.

While you have been stealing away into your fantasy world enjoying your delicious dreams, somewhere in reality your future was being discussed in a less appetizing way.

I wonder – is getting married the zenith of a girl’s entire existence? Why is it that when a boy turns 21 he is free to do what he likes, free to chase his dreams? And in the case of a girl, why is it that turning 21 sets off the alarm bells in the minds of everyone remotely connected to her?
You go to a wedding with your Mom and Dad (believe me, it’s even worse if you’re attending a relative’s marriage) and all the old ladies at the wedding would either give you a weird look or walk up to you, smile at you and tell you “You’re next in line, beta”
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Seriously?!

There was a time when girls were expected to get married the moment she turned 21.Waiting for another few years would just accelerate the anxiety attacks of her parents. Although the scenario is not as bad as it was back then, there still exist traces of that belief in some spheres of the society. A few days back, a distant cousin of mine made the mistake of getting engaged to her fiance when she was still pursuing her post graduation degree. It was an arranged marriage. She never wanted to commit so soon but relatives from both his side and hers cajoled her into agreeing for an engagement, giving her assurances like “It’s just an engagement. You can get married a few years later, whenever you decide to”. It’s worth mentioning here that the guy was a few years older than her and he already had finished his studies and was working in a reputed company. The poor girl didn’t get time to process what had just hit her. And within a year she got married and is now safely packaged on the way to foreign shores.

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This is just one of the tactics that is employed to achieve the desired results. First it’s just an engagement. Then slowly, the pressure of tying the knot builds up. And the next thing you know -you are married. And hey! That’s not all. Because just when you stop to assess everything around you and try to adjust yourself to your new surroundings, a voice pipes out “When do we get the good news?!!” Like hell!!!

Even if you are lucky enough to have supportive parents who have given you the consent to “go out there, and have it all”, society will still haunt you until you get yourself a supportive pillar in the form of a husband. A boy of thirty-five is considered to be a “Very Eligible Bachelor”. If he is a doctor or an engineer or has an equivalent successful career to flaunt, he is flocked with offers of marriage. In contradiction, if a girl is thirty five and equally successful, people look at her like she is some kind of a freak. The general agreement is that something must be terribly wrong with her or else she would have not stayed unmarried for so long.

Why do such prejudices exist? A girl of thirty-five is independent, she earns her own living and she is capable of contributing towards the welfare of the family as much as the boy is capable of, perhaps even more. But even such perks are not enough for her to be able to find a suitable boy to marry. The only people who would deign to show some interest are the divorcees or the widowers. Why is it that girls are made to wear an expiry date, which when crossed, the girl ceases to be human and becomes an object, to be judged and ridiculed?

Every girl dreams of getting married. It’s beautiful and the feeling of sharing your life with someone is unique. Getting married is a once-in-a-lifetime moment and it is a big deal ! But like every event in our lives right from growing up, learning to walk and finally completing the transition from a child to an adult, there is a time reserved just for getting ready to take the plunge into matrimony. Being forced or forcing oneself into this life altering phenomena is not at all easy and hence, we deserve to have all the time in the world to arrive at such big a decision.

And what if you just don’t want to get hooked? To be able to live for yourself, to be free from the usual responsibilities of a married life, to be just by yourself and enjoy yourself! Yes, sometimes it seems scary to face the big, bad world on our own but then again, isn’t it better to face it alone rather than having an unwanted person telling you what to do?

Here’s to hoping that somewhere down the line, in the very near future, society changes the way it perceives the “20s and Marriage” and allows women to be just as capable of deciding when to get married and who to get married to, just as it has been allowing the other sex , for many a decade.

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Stop worrying about your messy hair, your eyeliner and your curvy body.One day you’ll find a guy who won’t care about it !!” 

Written by : Kasturi Saikia

– Picture Credits : Bidisha Chetia 

1

Will We Ever Reach There?

Awed by the series Sex And The City and having nothing better to do at 5 in the a.m. at a place like home, all I can dream about is being a Carrie Bradshaw, a Charlotte York , a Miranda Hobbes or a Samantha Jones (Samantha? Seriously?  well, that’s the exact reaction I was aiming for )

Well before I begin, here’s a short disclaimer. I’m not here to write a review on the series SATC ( and in that case, it’d be the worst review ever ) . Nor do I believe this’d be an eye opener for you. This is all about my messed up little mind that’s trying to figure out what’s life all about.

Honestly , I wasn’t in the best state of mind when I first began watching SATC (which is years after it was aired on TV) . But I was certain it would make a difference (good or bad, whatever that is) . As I began watching, I was totally taken aback or let’s say “moved”  by all the four women and their lives. I felt better everytime I watched an SATC episode.Lively characters, superb acting. Infact,  it barely seemed like they were acting. They were just living their characters  (we can put aside the sex part for a while )

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Carrie Bradshaw ( the lead character in the series, a New York newspaper columnist, a fashionista,  a published author ) , what a lady ! She shops till she drops, meets her girlfriends, eats and chats at restaurants , dates all the great looking guys she bumps into and when she thinks she’s done for the day, she gets back home and puts in writing all the extraordinary stuff that happens in her ordinary life. And what’s more, she is super talented and staggeringly beautiful!

But personally, what strikes me the most about this lovely lady is the way she smokes. Y’know, the way she holds the cigarette in her hands and takes a puff. Ooooh !!! I really like that ’cause not many of us women are able to do that, you see.And anyway, Indian women are generally averse to smoking except for a few from the Z generation ( or the ‘Geez’ generation like I call it ’cause these guys really weird me out) and the ones who think smoking makes you look super cool.

Carrie knew that she, in spite of dating a hundred men and sleeping with ‘em, she was certain that she would fall for the one man who could bring stars down from the sky if she wanted. ( I understand the star thing is really filmy and Bollywoodish but I’m sorry I can’t think of anything more appropriate right now) . She might have screwed up her relation with this man ( which she actually did a lot of times), but she ultimately believed in herself and in the power of love , which is a very important thing for a woman to do when she thinks she is in love and which is also, not a very easy job. Oh that scene, wherein she urges Mr.BIG, “ Just tell me, I’m the one”
Oh, that takes my breath away ! Makes me want to walk up to her and tell her  “You’re simply amazing , Miss Carrie Bradshaw, you deserved BIG. Way to go ! ”

Carrie eventually becomes a writer, gets her books published and sold and in turn , makes a lot of money.  She actually lives an achiever’s life if you subtract the downs from it.
Now talking of the other three ladies, each one of ‘em wonderful and perfect in her own way, I don’t reckon I could describe them any better than Carrie did in her books. But yes, I shall definitely make a  mention of them someday.

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Now, as you can see, if I can be blown away so easily by a mere character from a TV show and actually take time and write about it, I may as well, try to live that character’s life for real. But the big question is, given that I live in India, can I really do it ? Can I be Carrie Bradshaw for real ? Do you reckon it’s possible ???  Can I have a life like that ? Alright, Imagine I have a good job, I earn enough to spend my money on things I am not actually in need of. But does it mean I can shop like a shopaholic, hang out with a bunch of friends to discuss our sex lives at public places and date a new guy every single day ??? Or these are things that just happen in fiction and do not really happen in our actual lives  ??? Or we can just put it this way that is it only the riches and all the good luck you’re born with that define your ability to live a good life? What is a good life anyway? Health and happiness? And where do you reckon your happiness lies in? Now coming back to my story, why do I wanna become a Carrie Bradshaw  or say someone like her for that matter? Because I see they’re living one helluva life enjoying themselves to bits and pieces??  Because I believe that’s what is called being happy in life?

Just yesterday on Facebook,  I posted a picture from SATC on a friend’s wall that says “ Girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just to have fun with”. Well, no wonder, I believed in it.And hence the post on my friend’s wall. But then she replied “will we ever reach there ?” I had no idea what she meant by that question to which I replied “yes, we have already reached there cos nothing can beat our friendship, nothing at all” but if she was referring to living a luxurious life like the girls from SATC, then my  question is  “do we really wanna reach there?”  and even if we reach there, do you reckon we’d call ourselves contented and satisfied? Why do we crave a roomy car,  a luxurious house , an enormous wardrobe and a bunch of people to hang out with? Even if we do, how much of it we do we really want in our everyday lives?  When you have everything you want, don’t you reckon you’re going back to living a stereotypical life again ?

I remember attending a lecture where someone said happiness results from comparison. And perhaps I get that now. I wanna live a luxurious life like Carrie Bradshaw. And when I compare my life to that of Bradshaw’s, I feel like a loser. So what if I chuck this comparison and compare myself to someone who has a bigger fucked up life than me? And again, to what am I referring as fucked up ? So the whole thing boils down to this :

First,  happiness is purely relative .
And secondly,  you  arbitrarily choose the standards of comparison.
Yet, I don’t want to come to any sort of conclusion right now because a lot of things seem to be running through my mind and I can certainly see a conflict going on between the life I’m living and the life I choose to live. Cos deep down in my heart, I still wanna be a Carrie Bradshaw someday and hang out with my girls so I could brag about it one day, put it in writing and make a book out of it . And I can’t never ever let this feeling go !

So, as I turn around and take a look at my dreamworld again, pop goes my heart.
And I ask myself “will I ever reach there?? ”

Bidisha Chetia